First off, you go in with all these grand expectations. You think you’re gonna have it all, and leave room for dessert. It seems pricey, too, but you’re convinced that you’ll come out ahead. (“$30? I’ll eat $30 worth, no sweat. I may even do $40.”) In general, your eyes are bigger than your stomach. Just like love – that breathless, heady feeling. The anticipation of grabbing that empty plate and diving in. You can’t wait!

Next, some people want a little bit of everything, and some want to load up on their one favorite. This is where the differences in cheating come in. Guys cheat because they’re greedy. All those choices. Hmm. I like my full plate of buffalo wings. But I also like ribs. And shrimp fried rice. I’ll just have all three. It might hurt my stomach later, but at least I had all of them.

Women are a bit different. They cheat because they’re getting something they were missing in their first choice. Hmmm…I didn’t see these ribs. I LOVE ribs. The sauce, the taste. Hmph. I’ll just put these stupid hot wings back.

Guys cheat with “and” – I’ll date her AND sleep with her friend.
Gals cheat with “or” – I’ll end up with him OR his friend.
That poor little “Conjunction Junction” guy would have a heart attack.

You try, you taste, you put things back, you try something new, you do it all over again. If you’re lucky, you get something you like. Not too spicy or bland, not too hot or too cold, just enough to make you feel good inside.

Some things look good, but leave a bad taste in your mouth. Others don’t look so great, but taste surprisingly good. Old favorites don’t always taste the way you remember. Just seeing some of the choices conjures up bad memories of high school lunch. And to even approach some of the stuff up there, you’ve gotta be pretty adventurous. For example, sushi, or big pieces of Jell-O with stuff floating in it like banana slices or a flip-flop.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. If you fill up on drinks, it will keep you from enjoying the buffet.

Then you watch the people who just make bad choices, like going over to the dessert bar and having 4 slices of cake and a bowl of ice cream. It’s a lot of fun at the time, but it’s no good for you, and you’ll end up with some medical issue like cavities.

Still, some people lose their minds at the buffet and take way more than they can handle, just because it’s there for the taking. Others spend way too much time staring at everything, and end up choosing nothing.

And of course, no matter what you end up with on your plate, someone else’s looks better. So, you try to dress yours up with sauce or dressing, and it just isn’t the same. You want what they have, but somehow they got the last of it.

Finally, when it’s all over, you generally feel uncomfortable. A little sad, a little disappointed, and most of all, like you might throw up.

My guess it that it was the Jell-O with the bananas. Never a good idea.

That’s the rant.